well you can't waste a boner
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
