He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
