and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
