ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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