This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
