it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
