i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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