i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
