My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She needs sedatives and a leash
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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