just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He passed out mid-signature
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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