i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
