Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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