I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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