...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
