I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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