i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
