The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
