I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
