I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Pooping to opera.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
