i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
