I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
