I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
