his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize