Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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