Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I need to calm my uterus...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
