Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize