Ambien. No doubt about it.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize