It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
