The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
