They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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