Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
