I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Semen is not good for contacts.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
