So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
