I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
