If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
God, I missed his penis.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
