Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
