a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
