I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
