oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
