Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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