TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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