Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
