i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
