Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
