Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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