Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
