Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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