I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
