you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My liver is preforming stress tests.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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