So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I don't think brook has ever known best
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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