I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
be right there i have to get my cape
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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