Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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