Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Randomize
