we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
