Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Just puked most of my soul out..
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
