i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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