I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
