All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Come on in and take your pants off
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