There is too much vodka and too much dick.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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