They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
