We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
