hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize