Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
