I am puke
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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