I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
